


Leave It On The Shelf

by DamionAerynStarr



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Episode Related, M/M, POV Third Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-21 02:25:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DamionAerynStarr/pseuds/DamionAerynStarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leave the bourbon on the shelf, and I'll drink it by myself. (Missing scene from "Why We Fight")</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leave It On The Shelf

He's waiting for you in your room when you come in from the rain, slightly unsteady on your feet. His eyes flicker to the bottle of cheap whiskey in your hand, and he doesn't bother to hide his disapproval. 

"Where've you been, Nix?" He stands up from your bed, arms crossed. He's so much more intimidating like this. You pray he doesn't see that on your face.

"Sorry, didn't know I had a curfew." You say easily, the booze giving you false bravado. You hold his eyes, and you know he sees through it.

"Nix-"

"If you don't mind, Dick, I've had a long day, so..." You gesture out the door behind you with the bottle and drop your gaze to the floor before daring to venture from the doorway. But as you close the distance between yourself and him, you can feel his bright eyes burning holes into the top of your head. You feel like a small child awaiting punishment. He makes no move until you're beside him.

His long hand shoots out, closing around your wrist. You're too surprised, and a little too drunk, to stop him from wrenching the whiskey from your grasp. He releases you without a word and leaves the room. It takes a minute for you to follow.

"Dick, what are you doing? Give that back!" He says nothing as he strides into the kitchen. When he upends the bottle over the sink your eyes widen and you lunge forward. "Dick, no! Stop!" Your fingers brush the cool glass briefly before he spins and tosses the bottle. It hits the corner of the dark kitchen and shatters too loudly in the silence. When he whirls back on you, too close and eyes flashing, you take a step back. You're suddenly painfully sober.

"I can't do this anymore, Lewis. I can't just stand by and watch you do this to yourself."

Anger wells up within you. "Then don't. I didn't ask for a damn babysitter, Dick." It's weak, but you're unprepared for this conversation. You'd imagined how it would go in the past, then given up when you realized no one cared enough. 

You should have known Dick is the one person that cared enough.

"I'm not your babysitter, I'm your friend-"

"If you were my friend you wouldn't do this!" Your anger is waning quickly, leaving desperation. 

"I'm doing this because I'm your friend," His voice is even, and part of you hates him for that. "I care about you, Nix-"

"No you don't! If you did, you wouldn't take away the one thing that has kept me alive through this fucking war!" You're screaming now, and you don't care who hears you.

Dick suddenly grabs your shoulders. "It's killing you, don't you see that?!" He moves forward, pushing you back until you're pressed against the wall. He's inches away from you and something in his expression takes your breath away. "You're asking me to watch someone I love commit suicide and I can't, Lewis. I just can't."

"Dick-"

"Every time. Every time I see you with a bottle in your hand, I see you die a little more. It's tearing you apart and..." His eyes shine in the moonlight filtering feebly in through the window. Tears burn at the back of your own eyes, and you swallow the lump in your throat. One of his hands moves from your shoulder and caresses the side of your face tenderly. You can't look away. "Please, Lew. Please stop."

You clench your jaw. 'Yes' rises up in your chest, clinging heavily to the back of your tongue. You want nothing more than to say it, to promise you'll never touch another drop of alcohol, because he's Dick and you'd follow him into hell in a heartbeat. But you're not strong enough, you know you'd never be able to keep that promise, and when you broke your word, it would kill you both. 

So you grab his shoulders and push him away. Surprise and pain flashes across his face, and it feels like a knife to the heart. 

"Fuck you, Dick! Fuck you!" You're hysterical. You're terrified and falling apart and you just want to hurt him so he'll go away before you kill him altogether. "We can't all be perfect like Major Richard Winters! Most of us are flawed, okay?! We're weak, and stupid, and we're just clinging to anything that gets us through the day! If you can't deal with that, you know where the damn door is." 

You slump back against the wall, head bowed. You're drained completely, nearly shaking under the lack of energy and the weight of your words. You can't make him bleed if you're alone.

"I'm not perfect, Lew," He finally speaks softly, and you don't lift your head. "I have fears. I have doubts. I agonize over every decision I make, and when someone under my command dies I feel like I was the one to pull the trigger." You hear him walk closer. "You're right. We cling to whatever gets us through the day." You stare down at the toes of his boots. His fingers lightly touch the back of your hand. "You're what gets me through the day, Lewis." He whispers. 

You raise your head slowly, reluctantly meeting his eyes again. Tears roll down his face, and you strangle a gasp. You've never seen him cry before. "You don't see it killing you, but I do. When you're in pain, I feel it, too."

"Everybody is going to hurt you, Dick," You cling desperately to that last shred of defiance you find within yourself. "You need to learn when to run away."

He gives you the faintest of smiles. He always sees through your bull. "I'd never run away from you, Lewis."

You purse your lips, biting the inside of your cheek. His words make you happier than you want them to. "Why?"

He pulls you into a crushing hug. "Because you're worth suffering for."


End file.
